Keeley talks about masking and autism in girls
Hiding Behind the Mask: My Journey as an Undiagnosed Autistic Girl
Being an autistic girl comes with its own set of challenges, but being an undiagnosed autistic girl? That’s a whole different struggle—one filled with confusion, frustration, and the constant feeling of being out of place. I’m Keeley, and I was diagnosed with autism at the age of 23.
Growing up, I always felt odd, weird, and different from the people around me (and, honestly, not much has changed). I never quite fit in, and friendships felt like a puzzle I couldn’t solve. It wasn’t too hard in primary school, as there wasn’t much pressure to conform or meet certain social expectations. Kids were less judgmental, and there was room to be myself.
But then came secondary school, college, and university—where socialising, adapting to change, and fitting into expected norms became essential. For me, though, it was a completely different experience. Making friends was a struggle from the start, and even when I did form friendships, they weren’t always positive. My peers would snigger, call me names, and mock me simply for being myself. This even extended to people I considered friends.
Change was another major hurdle for me. Even something as small as being asked to sit in a different seat during class could cause me immense anxiety. The noise and chaos of break and lunch times were overwhelming, and I often found myself hiding away in the library, where I could escape into a different world, or retreating to the toilets to find peace. Every day was a sensory overload.
Yet, none of these struggles were recognised. At school, I was seen as the quiet, studious girl who excelled without causing any trouble. But at home, things were different. My frustrations would boil over, and I would sometimes lash out—shouting, hitting myself, or taking my stress out on my parents. It wasn’t until later that a wise therapist explained it to me using the bucket analogy: Throughout the day, my "bucket" would fill up with all the anxieties, stresses, and sensory overloads I experienced, and by the time I got home, the bucket would overflow. Home was my safe space, where I could release everything I had bottled up.
The Power of Masking
One of the reasons my autism went undetected for so long is because autistic girls are often experts at something called *masking*. Masking is when we mimic socially acceptable behaviours and suppress the traits that might be considered "odd" by others—things like stimming or other natural behaviours. We usually do this without even realising it. The effort it takes to mask constantly is exhausting, but it helps us blend in and fly under the radar.
For me, masking became a survival tool. I adapted to environments, mimicked what I thought was "normal," and hid the parts of me that I feared others wouldn’t understand. It wasn’t until I was in a safe space that I could let my guard down and feel the weight of that exhaustion. But the mask was also why I went undiagnosed for so long—on the surface, I didn’t exhibit the classic signs of autism, but if you looked closely enough, the signs were always there.
Embracing My Autism
When I finally received my diagnosis, everything started to make sense. All the quirky traits and behaviours that made me feel "odd" were suddenly explained, and over time, I learned to embrace them. Autism became my superpower. It allows me to do things that neurotypical people often struggle with. For example, I have acute hearing, which was especially useful at school when I could hear bullies talking about me from across the room. I’d turn and smile, leaving them baffled about how I knew what they were saying.
I also love my attention to detail, my strong observation skills, my incredible memory, and my knack for problem-solving. These are all parts of my autism that I’ve grown to appreciate.
Challenging Misconceptions
There are many misconceptions and stigmas surrounding autistic people, but the one that bothers me the most is the idea that we lack empathy. I can say with complete confidence that this is not true. Every autistic person I’ve met, including myself, has been incredibly empathetic, loving, and kind. We go out of our way to help others understand their feelings.
Dropping the Mask
It took me a while to relearn who I am as an autistic woman, but I wouldn’t change it for the world. I’ve come to celebrate my quirks and differences, and I’ve started dropping the mask more and more. After all, why shouldn’t I show the real me? Hiding behind the mask was exhausting, but embracing who I truly am is liberating.
If there’s one message I hope to share with other autistic girls and women, it’s that we don’t have to hide. With more understanding and acceptance, we can show the world who we are—and that’s something to be proud of.
